The Procession to Calvary

78
Metacritic
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97% | Overwhelmingly Positive
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Huzzah! The holy war is over! Your oppressors have been vanquished, the churches of the Old God lay in ruin and thousands of innocent people have been murdered!
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£7.99
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About The Procession to Calvary

About this game

A time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for just one more murder... -Ecclesiastes 3:8

About

Huzzah! The holy war is over! Your oppressors have been vanquished, the churches of the Old God lay in ruin and thousands of innocent people have been murdered! But it's not all good news; the tyrant Heavenly Peter has escaped your clutches, and you have been tasked with the mission of finding him...

Your journey will take you through a richly detailed landscape built from hundreds of different Renaissance paintings. You will steal a ship, feed a donkey, compete in a talent contest, assist an inept street magician, sing, dance, play the (magic?) flute, poke a man's face, hunt for treasure and have a chat with Our Lord God Almighty... But will you find Heavenly Peter? And if you do, how will you take your revenge!?

Features

  • Pointing and Clicking – A traditional point and click interface, with a 'verb coin' interaction menu and a simple inventory from which you can drag and drop your preciously hoarded items.
  • Renaissance Artwork – Paintings by Rembrandt, Botticelli, Michelangelo and many more are brought together into one consistent world, in a way that is also as sympathetic as possible to the original works.
  • Classical Music – a soundtrack selected to fit with the style of the artwork. Music from classical composers such as Vivaldi, Bach and George Frideric Handel will accompany you on your journey.
  • Standalone Story - The Procession to Calvary is set in the same world as Four Last Things, but it's story can be played independently.
  • Optional Murder – You will be equipped with a sword. This will become useful in a number of different situation, but you will be strongly discouraged from using it on people. Ignoring this advice - and murdering anyone who stands in your way – will serve as a useful method of skipping any puzzles you don't like. But be warned; your actions might come back to haunt you...
  • Nonsense – A style of humour reminiscent of the surreal, anarchic comedy of Monty Python. Lofty subject matter is treated with refreshing flippancy. Gags about butts are taken very seriously. But rest assured, while some of the jokes may be ridiculous, the puzzles make perfect sense! (or at least adhere to a consistent internal logic)
  • Moments of Surprising Profundity – Actually, no... Don't read too much into it.

Game Details

Platform:
steam
Release Date:
September 08, 2025
Developer:
Joe Richardson
Publishers:
Joe Richardson
SUPERHOT PRESENTS
Supported Languages:
English
Link:

Product Requirements

Minimum:

  • Requires a 64-bit processor and operating system
  • OS *: Windows XP
  • Processor: 2 GHz - Dual Core
  • Memory: 2 GB RAM
  • DirectX: Version 10
  • Storage: 1 GB available space

Recommended:

  • Requires a 64-bit processor and operating system
  • OS *: Windows XP, Vista, 7, 8, 10
  • Processor: 2 GHz - Dual Core
  • Memory: 4 GB RAM
  • DirectX: Version 11
  • Storage: 1 GB available space

Product Requirements

Minimum:

  • OS: Mac OSX 10.7
  • Processor: 2 GHz CPU
  • Memory: 2 GB RAM
  • Storage: 1 GB available space

Recommended:

  • OS: Mac OS 10.11
  • Processor: 2 GHz CPU
  • Memory: 4 GB RAM
  • Storage: 1 GB available space

Product Requirements

Minimum:

  • OS: Ubuntu 14.04 / SteamOS
  • Processor: 2 GHz - Dual Core
  • Memory: 2 GB RAM
  • Storage: 1 GB available space

Recommended:

  • OS: Ubuntu 14.04 / SteamOS
  • Processor: 2 GHz - Dual Core
  • Memory: 4 GB RAM
  • Storage: 1 GB available space

Critic Reviews

78

CD-Action

90 / 100
"It’s simply pure entertainment and a lot of laughs. The usage of renaissance paintings was wonderfully executed. [06/2020, p.48]"

GameOver.gr

85 / 100
"A hilariously preposterous tribute to the style of Monty Python, “The Procession to Calvary” is the perfect way to break through the quarantine boredom."

4P.de

83 / 100
"Interesting mix of classic art and black humour à la Monty Python, wrapped in adventure mechanics. "
Reviews provided by MetaCritic
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Frequently Asked Questions

Yes, The Procession to Calvary is Steam Deck Verified. Valve’s testing indicates that The Procession to Calvary is Verified on Steam Deck. This game is fully functional on Steam Deck, and works great with the built-in controls and display.
  • This game's default graphics configuration performs well on Steam Deck
  • In-game interface text is legible on Steam Deck
  • This game shows Steam Deck controller icons
  • All functionality is accessible when using the default controller configuration
Minimum:
  • Requires a 64-bit processor and operating system
  • OS *: Windows XP
  • Processor: 2 GHz - Dual Core
  • Memory: 2 GB RAM
  • DirectX: Version 10
  • Storage: 1 GB available space
Recommended:
  • Requires a 64-bit processor and operating system
  • OS *: Windows XP, Vista, 7, 8, 10
  • Processor: 2 GHz - Dual Core
  • Memory: 4 GB RAM
  • DirectX: Version 11
  • Storage: 1 GB available space
Minimum:
  • OS: Mac OSX 10.7
  • Processor: 2 GHz CPU
  • Memory: 2 GB RAM
  • Storage: 1 GB available space
Recommended:
  • OS: Mac OS 10.11
  • Processor: 2 GHz CPU
  • Memory: 4 GB RAM
  • Storage: 1 GB available space
80% of critics on Metacritic recommend The Procession to Calvary. The Metascore is 78 out of 100.
The Procession to Calvary was released on September 08, 2025
Yes, The Procession to Calvary supports MacOS.
Yes, The Procession to Calvary supports Linux.
The Procession to Calvary is published by Joe Richardson and SUPERHOT PRESENTS
The Procession to Calvary was developed by Joe Richardson
Fanatical users tagged The Procession to Calvary as Point & Click, Story Rich, Puzzle, and Adventure
Fanatical users tagged The Procession to Calvary as Dark Comedy, Medieval, Funny, and Surreal
Yes, Fanatical users tagged The Procession to Calvary as Point & Click
Yes, Fanatical users tagged The Procession to Calvary as Story Rich
Yes, Fanatical users tagged The Procession to Calvary as Puzzle

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