5 Stars
51%
5 Stars
51%
4 Stars
13%
4 Stars
13%
3 Stars
20%
3 Stars
20%
2 Stars
7%
2 Stars
7%
1 Stars
10%
1 Stars
10%
4.6 out of 5
'Excellent'
Based on
79,729 Reviews
Wishlist
BEHOLD THE KICKMEN started as a silly Twitter joke and evolved like a beautiful flower into the year's least-exciting and mostly incorrect Football Simulation. It's football, as seen through the eyes of someone with no understanding of, or interest in, the Laws of Football.
£2.79
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About Behold the Kickmen
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BEHOLD THE KICKMEN started as a silly Twitter joke and evolved like a beautiful flower into the year's least-exciting and mostly incorrect Football Simulation. It's football, as seen through the eyes of someone with no understanding of, or interest in, the Laws of Football.
Start at the bottom of the Big Boring British Football Spreadsheet system and grind your way up, gruelling match after gruelling match, to become the best at the football that anyone's ever seen, and win the World Cup for your mantelpiece.
FEATURES: Kicking, Passing, Tackling, Squad Management and Doing Goals over and over. There's even a full Story mode, crammed with overblown melodrama and inane decisions to be made.
TWO WAYS TO PLAY! Hate football? No problem! The entire game can be re-skinned at the flip of a switch into a Dystopian Future Bloodsport!
PLEASE NOTE: Kickmen has NO ONLINE MULTIPLAYER and NO LOCAL MULTIPLAYER, it's Single Player ONLY. Please don't buy it thinking it's at all sociable, because it isn't. Why do you ask? Because I wanted to make a Single Player game, I didn't want to make a Multiplayer game.
Game Details
- Platform:
- steam
- Release Date:
- July 20, 2017
- Developer:
- Size Five Games
- Publisher:
- Size Five Games
- Rating:
- Supported Languages:
- English
- Link:
Product Requirements
Minimum:
- OS: Windows 7 and up
- Processor: 2.4Ghz
- Memory: 4 GB RAM
- Graphics: GeForce 8800 equivalent or higher
- DirectX: Version 9.0c
- Storage: 1 GB available space
- Sound Card: Yes
- Additional Notes: If playing on a Laptop, please make sure it has a dedicated gfx card; on-board cards will struggle.
Product Requirements
Minimum:
- OS: 10.12
- Memory: 4 GB RAM
- Storage: 1 GB available space
- Additional Notes: discreet GPU recommended
Behold the Kickmen User Reviews
All our customer reviews are open and honest. We publish all reviews that are relevant and follow our guidelines.
1 - 8 of 18 Reviews
Redeemed Raider
Verified purchase
Fun little game that’s roughly about soccer. The controls are a bit frustrating at first, but you unlock more abilities as you progress. The dialogue is funny and overall this is a fun time killer.
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FW
Verified purchase
I should like it more than I do.
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Quest101010x
Verified purchase
Behold the Kickmen is a soccer game that, while not exceptional, is also not a bad choice for players looking for a casual sports game. The gameplay is simple and easy to pick up, with players controlling their team as they try to score goals and win matches. While the controls can be a bit clunky at times, they are generally responsive and allow for a decent level of precision. The graphics are decent and provide a decent representation of a soccer match, with players and the ball moving smoothly around the field. While the game doesn't offer anything particularly innovative or unique, it's a solid choice for players looking for a basic soccer game to pass the time with.
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Steverino from Maine
Verified purchase
I am not someone who would buy FIFA 22 or any soccer (football) game, so I tried “Behold The Kickman” thinking I wouldn’t like it. I could not be more wrong! Even the demonstration on how to play was great and I learned how to play at the same time. Sometimes you just want to sit down and play and “Behold The Kickman” is perfect. Just some fun and strategy. It’s not an easy game, but one you get the hang of it, you cannot put this game down. Perfect for my Steamdeck. OI OI OI! I love this game! :)
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boapodlpao
Verified purchase
This game is awesome! It's not just any normal soccer game. theres a story line that makes you unlock stats and moves to make your team and gameplay better. I really love it.
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Cian Clark
Verified purchase
The game is nice and fun, but eventually felt repetitive after a bit. More content needs to be added to give the game more flavour.
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vinny
Verified purchase
Really fun, short, sweet, and to the point. I'll definitely be replaying this several times.
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Fanatical User
Verified purchase
nice game is best shooting pes2023
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Frequently Asked Questions
According to ACB, Behold the Kickmen is suitable for players aged 6 and above.
Yes, Behold the Kickmen is not fully Steam Deck Verified but the publisher says it is "Playable" on Steam Deck. Valve’s testing indicates that Behold the Kickmen is Playable on Steam Deck. This game is functional on Steam Deck, but might require extra effort to interact with or configure.
- This game shows Steam Deck controller icons
- This game's default graphics configuration performs well on Steam Deck
- Some functionality is not accessible when using the default controller configuration, requiring use of the touchscreen or virtual keyboard, or a community configuration
- Entering some text requires manually invoking the on-screen keyboard
- Some in-game text is small and may be difficult to read
Minimum:
- OS: Windows 7 and up
- Processor: 2.4Ghz
- Memory: 4 GB RAM
- Graphics: GeForce 8800 equivalent or higher
- DirectX: Version 9.0c
- Storage: 1 GB available space
- Sound Card: Yes
- Additional Notes: If playing on a Laptop, please make sure it has a dedicated gfx card; on-board cards will struggle.
Minimum:
- OS: 10.12
- Memory: 4 GB RAM
- Storage: 1 GB available space
- Additional Notes: discreet GPU recommended
67% of Fanatical users recommend Behold the Kickmen. The average review score is 3.9/5
Behold the Kickmen was released on July 20, 2017
Yes, Behold the Kickmen supports MacOS.
Behold the Kickmen is published by Size Five Games
Behold the Kickmen was developed by Size Five Games
Fanatical users tagged Behold the Kickmen as Sports, Football, Casual, and Action
Yes, Fanatical users tagged Behold the Kickmen as Sports
Yes, Fanatical users tagged Behold the Kickmen as Football
Yes, Fanatical users tagged Behold the Kickmen as Casual
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