Behold the Kickmen

4 out of 5
56 User Ratings
5 Stars
52%
5 Stars
52%
4 Stars
18%
4 Stars
18%
3 Stars
18%
3 Stars
18%
2 Stars
7%
2 Stars
7%
1 Stars
5%
1 Stars
5%
Behold the Kickmen
steam logo
£2.79

About Behold the Kickmen

About this game

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BEHOLD THE KICKMEN started as a silly Twitter joke and evolved like a beautiful flower into the year's least-exciting and mostly incorrect Football Simulation. It's football, as seen through the eyes of someone with no understanding of, or interest in, the Laws of Football.

Start at the bottom of the Big Boring British Football Spreadsheet system and grind your way up, gruelling match after gruelling match, to become the best at the football that anyone's ever seen, and win the World Cup for your mantelpiece.

FEATURES: Kicking, Passing, Tackling, Squad Management and Doing Goals over and over. There's even a full Story mode, crammed with overblown melodrama and inane decisions to be made.

TWO WAYS TO PLAY! Hate football? No problem! The entire game can be re-skinned at the flip of a switch into a Dystopian Future Bloodsport!

PLEASE NOTE: Kickmen has NO ONLINE MULTIPLAYER and NO LOCAL MULTIPLAYER, it's Single Player ONLY. Please don't buy it thinking it's at all sociable, because it isn't. Why do you ask? Because I wanted to make a Single Player game, I didn't want to make a Multiplayer game.

Game Details

Release Date:
July 20, 2017
Developer:
Size Five Games
Publisher:
Size Five Games
Rating:
ACB rating of 6
Supported Languages:
English
Link:
Genres:
Sports
Football

Casual

Action
Collections:
Sports and Racing
All Team Sports
Features:
Steam Achievements
Partial Controller Support

Product Requirements

Minimum:

  • OS: Windows 7 and up
  • Processor: 2.4Ghz
  • Memory: 4 GB RAM
  • Graphics: GeForce 8800 equivalent or higher
  • DirectX: Version 9.0c
  • Storage: 1 GB available space
  • Sound Card: Yes
  • Additional Notes: If playing on a Laptop, please make sure it has a dedicated gfx card; on-board cards will struggle.

Product Requirements

Minimum:

  • OS: 10.12
  • Memory: 4 GB RAM
  • Storage: 1 GB available space
  • Additional Notes: discreet GPU recommended

YouTube Videos

Behold The Kickmen! Hilarious Football Game!

April 11, 2018

Behold the Kickmen

December 19, 2022

Behold the Kickmen / Gameplay teste

December 17, 2022

Behold the Kickmen User Reviews

All our customer reviews are open and honest. We publish all reviews that are relevant and follow our guidelines.

User Rating

Average score from 56 ratings
66% of users would recommend this.
4.0

User Ratings Breakdown

5 Stars
52%
5 Stars
52%
4 Stars
18%
4 Stars
18%
3 Stars
18%
3 Stars
18%
2 Stars
7%
2 Stars
7%
1 Stars
5%
1 Stars
5%

Review this product

Share your thoughts with other customers.
1 - 8 of 11 Reviews

Funny joke game!

LudoTehLycan
Verified purchase
I'm really liking how this game generally describes itself. It started of as a joke, and stayed a joke, because... Get this! It's a game made to be how others who aren't sporty, describe the game!
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Recommended

Zepy
Verified purchase
pretty fun bit grindy to finish story
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Good game for messing around

Redeemed Raider
Verified purchase
Fun little game that’s roughly about soccer. The controls are a bit frustrating at first, but you unlock more abilities as you progress. The dialogue is funny and overall this is a fun time killer.
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Not Recommended

FW
Verified purchase
I should like it more than I do.
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Recommended

Quest101010x
Verified purchase
Behold the Kickmen is a soccer game that, while not exceptional, is also not a bad choice for players looking for a casual sports game. The gameplay is simple and easy to pick up, with players controlling their team as they try to score goals and win matches. While the controls can be a bit clunky at times, they are generally responsive and allow for a decent level of precision. The graphics are decent and provide a decent representation of a soccer match, with players and the ball moving smoothly around the field. While the game doesn't offer anything particularly innovative or unique, it's a solid choice for players looking for a basic soccer game to pass the time with.
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Great fun, easy to pick up, a challenge to master!

Steverino from Maine
Verified purchase
I am not someone who would buy FIFA 22 or any soccer (football) game, so I tried “Behold The Kickman” thinking I wouldn’t like it. I could not be more wrong! Even the demonstration on how to play was great and I learned how to play at the same time. Sometimes you just want to sit down and play and “Behold The Kickman” is perfect. Just some fun and strategy. It’s not an easy game, but one you get the hang of it, you cannot put this game down. Perfect for my Steamdeck. OI OI OI! I love this game! :)
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green card

boapodlpao
Verified purchase
This game is awesome! It's not just any normal soccer game. theres a story line that makes you unlock stats and moves to make your team and gameplay better. I really love it.
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Not Recommended

Cian Clark
Verified purchase
The game is nice and fun, but eventually felt repetitive after a bit. More content needs to be added to give the game more flavour.
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