5 Stars
52%
5 Stars
52%
4 Stars
12%
4 Stars
12%
3 Stars
19%
3 Stars
19%
2 Stars
6%
2 Stars
6%
1 Stars
11%
1 Stars
11%
89% | Very Positive
4.6 out of 5
'Excellent'
Based on
81,799 Reviews
£2.79
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About Behold the Kickmen
About this game
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BEHOLD THE KICKMEN started as a silly Twitter joke and evolved like a beautiful flower into the year's least-exciting and mostly incorrect Football Simulation. It's football, as seen through the eyes of someone with no understanding of, or interest in, the Laws of Football.
Start at the bottom of the Big Boring British Football Spreadsheet system and grind your way up, gruelling match after gruelling match, to become the best at the football that anyone's ever seen, and win the World Cup for your mantelpiece.
FEATURES: Kicking, Passing, Tackling, Squad Management and Doing Goals over and over. There's even a full Story mode, crammed with overblown melodrama and inane decisions to be made.
TWO WAYS TO PLAY! Hate football? No problem! The entire game can be re-skinned at the flip of a switch into a Dystopian Future Bloodsport!
PLEASE NOTE: Kickmen has NO ONLINE MULTIPLAYER and NO LOCAL MULTIPLAYER, it's Single Player ONLY. Please don't buy it thinking it's at all sociable, because it isn't. Why do you ask? Because I wanted to make a Single Player game, I didn't want to make a Multiplayer game.
Game Details
- Platform:
- steam
- Release Date:
- July 20, 2017
- Developer:
- Size Five Games
- Publisher:
- Size Five Games
- Rating:
- Supported Languages:
- English
- Link:
Product Requirements
Minimum:
- OS: Windows 7 and up
- Processor: 2.4Ghz
- Memory: 4 GB RAM
- Graphics: GeForce 8800 equivalent or higher
- DirectX: Version 9.0c
- Storage: 1 GB available space
- Sound Card: Yes
- Additional Notes: If playing on a Laptop, please make sure it has a dedicated gfx card; on-board cards will struggle.
Product Requirements
Minimum:
- OS: 10.12
- Memory: 4 GB RAM
- Storage: 1 GB available space
- Additional Notes: discreet GPU recommended
Behold the Kickmen User Reviews
All our customer reviews are open and honest. We publish all reviews that are relevant and follow our guidelines.
11 - 18 of 18 Reviews
Camerooni
Verified purchase
Must have been retroactively added to a bundle I bought as I didn't redeem it at the time and apparently the key has now expired.. Kinda annoyed.
Looks like a mobile game that's been ported personally, but it has very positive reviews on steam overall so that's a good sign if you are into football.
Only put the star rating in because it required it. Gave it middle of road because I don't know if it is worth playing or not. I can't recommend this game because I haven't played it. Check out Steam reviews.
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Jesus
Verified purchase
It's fun for a while, good humour. The gameplay becomes stale, eventually. It's a shame that it doesn't have multiplayer, that could have helped with longevity.
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Brunzio
Verified purchase
FIFA world cup final underway right now, but who cares?!
I'm playing this!
Best football SIMULATION ever.
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EssenceofaHero
Verified purchase
It's got some interesting mechanics and gameplay that reminded me of a sort of stripped-down Mario Strikers game, but it's humor and gameplay flopped and got repetitive very quickly and I just couldn't shake the fact that the game was trying to be realistic AND unrealistically silly at the same time
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Linkblade
Verified purchase
Behold the Kickmen is a unique and quirky take on the traditional football (soccer) game genre. Developed by indie game studio Dan Marshall, this game is a refreshing departure from the hyper-realistic and overly complex football simulations that dominate the market.
The game's visuals are intentionally simplistic and cartoonish, with players resembling stick figures and the stadiums and surroundings looking like they were drawn in crayon. But don't let the simple visuals fool you, the gameplay is surprisingly deep and challenging.
The game's controls are easy to pick up, but mastering them takes time and practice. The game also has a unique scoring system that rewards players for scoring spectacular and unconventional goals, rather than just relying on brute force and precision. This makes for a more creative and exciting gameplay experience.
One of the standout features of Behold the Kickmen is its sense of humor. The game is loaded with hilarious commentary and absurd scenarios that will have you laughing out loud. The game doesn't take itself too seriously, and this makes it all the more enjoyable to play.
While Behold the Kickmen may not be for everyone, it's a must-play for anyone looking for a fun and lighthearted take on football. It's a great game to play with friends, and its short matches make it perfect for quick gaming sessions. Overall, Behold the Kickmen is a delightful and charming game that's sure to leave a smile on your face.
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Nirinsou
Verified purchase
It's good for arcade-like short play sessions. The game's depth isn't too deep and makes a good casual game when you get used to the controls. It's okay even for me, someone who doesn't really play sports games, but don't expect to put hundreds of hours into this.
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a weird game to have fun
Verified purchase
its a weird game, not mainstream but definetely fun
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Arijit Saha
Verified purchase
It's not a "AAA" game but I like it.Its a good game for time pass.
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Frequently Asked Questions
According to ACB, Behold the Kickmen is suitable for players aged 6 and above.
Yes, Behold the Kickmen is not fully Steam Deck Verified but the publisher says it is "Playable" on Steam Deck. Valve’s testing indicates that Behold the Kickmen is Playable on Steam Deck. This game is functional on Steam Deck, but might require extra effort to interact with or configure.
- This game shows Steam Deck controller icons
- This game's default graphics configuration performs well on Steam Deck
- Some functionality is not accessible when using the default controller configuration, requiring use of the touchscreen or virtual keyboard, or a community configuration
- Entering some text requires manually invoking the on-screen keyboard
- Some in-game text is small and may be difficult to read
Minimum:
- OS: Windows 7 and up
- Processor: 2.4Ghz
- Memory: 4 GB RAM
- Graphics: GeForce 8800 equivalent or higher
- DirectX: Version 9.0c
- Storage: 1 GB available space
- Sound Card: Yes
- Additional Notes: If playing on a Laptop, please make sure it has a dedicated gfx card; on-board cards will struggle.
Minimum:
- OS: 10.12
- Memory: 4 GB RAM
- Storage: 1 GB available space
- Additional Notes: discreet GPU recommended
65% of Fanatical users recommend Behold the Kickmen. The average review score is 3.9/5
Behold the Kickmen was released on July 20, 2017
Yes, Behold the Kickmen supports MacOS.
Behold the Kickmen is published by Size Five Games
Behold the Kickmen was developed by Size Five Games
Fanatical users tagged Behold the Kickmen as Sports, Football, Casual, and Action
Yes, Fanatical users tagged Behold the Kickmen as Sports
Yes, Fanatical users tagged Behold the Kickmen as Football
Yes, Fanatical users tagged Behold the Kickmen as Casual
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