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Behold the Kickmen

3.9 out of 5
130 User Ratings
5 Stars
52%
5 Stars
52%
4 Stars
12%
4 Stars
12%
3 Stars
18%
3 Stars
18%
2 Stars
6%
2 Stars
6%
1 Stars
11%
1 Stars
11%
steam logo
89% | Very Positive
steam logo
£2.79

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About Behold the Kickmen

About this game

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BEHOLD THE KICKMEN started as a silly Twitter joke and evolved like a beautiful flower into the year's least-exciting and mostly incorrect Football Simulation. It's football, as seen through the eyes of someone with no understanding of, or interest in, the Laws of Football.

Start at the bottom of the Big Boring British Football Spreadsheet system and grind your way up, gruelling match after gruelling match, to become the best at the football that anyone's ever seen, and win the World Cup for your mantelpiece.

FEATURES: Kicking, Passing, Tackling, Squad Management and Doing Goals over and over. There's even a full Story mode, crammed with overblown melodrama and inane decisions to be made.

TWO WAYS TO PLAY! Hate football? No problem! The entire game can be re-skinned at the flip of a switch into a Dystopian Future Bloodsport!

PLEASE NOTE: Kickmen has NO ONLINE MULTIPLAYER and NO LOCAL MULTIPLAYER, it's Single Player ONLY. Please don't buy it thinking it's at all sociable, because it isn't. Why do you ask? Because I wanted to make a Single Player game, I didn't want to make a Multiplayer game.

Game Details

Platform:
steam
Release Date:
July 20, 2017
Developer:
Size Five Games
Publisher:
Size Five Games
Rating:
ACB rating of 6
Supported Languages:
English
Link:
Genres:
Sports
Football

Casual

Action
Theme:
Funny
Features:
Steam Achievements
Partial Controller Support

Singleplayer

Product Requirements

Minimum:

  • OS: Windows 7 and up
  • Processor: 2.4Ghz
  • Memory: 4 GB RAM
  • Graphics: GeForce 8800 equivalent or higher
  • DirectX: Version 9.0c
  • Storage: 1 GB available space
  • Sound Card: Yes
  • Additional Notes: If playing on a Laptop, please make sure it has a dedicated gfx card; on-board cards will struggle.

Product Requirements

Minimum:

  • OS: 10.12
  • Memory: 4 GB RAM
  • Storage: 1 GB available space
  • Additional Notes: discreet GPU recommended

Behold the Kickmen User Reviews

All our customer reviews are open and honest. We publish all reviews that are relevant and follow our guidelines.

User Rating

Average score from 130 ratings
66% of users would recommend this.
3.9

User Ratings Breakdown

5 Stars
52%
5 Stars
52%
4 Stars
12%
4 Stars
12%
3 Stars
18%
3 Stars
18%
2 Stars
6%
2 Stars
6%
1 Stars
11%
1 Stars
11%
21 - 22 of 18 Reviews

Funny joke game!

LudoTehLycan
Verified purchase
I'm really liking how this game generally describes itself. It started of as a joke, and stayed a joke, because... Get this! It's a game made to be how others who aren't sporty, describe the game!
Did you find this review helpful?

Recommended

Zepy
Verified purchase
pretty fun bit grindy to finish story
Did you find this review helpful?

Frequently Asked Questions

According to ACB, Behold the Kickmen is suitable for players aged 6 and above.
Yes, Behold the Kickmen is not fully Steam Deck Verified but the publisher says it is "Playable" on Steam Deck. Valve’s testing indicates that Behold the Kickmen is Playable on Steam Deck. This game is functional on Steam Deck, but might require extra effort to interact with or configure.
  • This game shows Steam Deck controller icons
  • This game's default graphics configuration performs well on Steam Deck
  • Some functionality is not accessible when using the default controller configuration, requiring use of the touchscreen or virtual keyboard, or a community configuration
  • Entering some text requires manually invoking the on-screen keyboard
  • Some in-game text is small and may be difficult to read
Minimum:
  • OS: Windows 7 and up
  • Processor: 2.4Ghz
  • Memory: 4 GB RAM
  • Graphics: GeForce 8800 equivalent or higher
  • DirectX: Version 9.0c
  • Storage: 1 GB available space
  • Sound Card: Yes
  • Additional Notes: If playing on a Laptop, please make sure it has a dedicated gfx card; on-board cards will struggle.
Minimum:
  • OS: 10.12
  • Memory: 4 GB RAM
  • Storage: 1 GB available space
  • Additional Notes: discreet GPU recommended
66% of Fanatical users recommend Behold the Kickmen. The average review score is 3.9/5
Behold the Kickmen was released on July 20, 2017
Yes, Behold the Kickmen supports MacOS.
Behold the Kickmen is published by Size Five Games
Behold the Kickmen was developed by Size Five Games
Fanatical users tagged Behold the Kickmen as Sports, Football, Casual, and Action
Yes, Fanatical users tagged Behold the Kickmen as Sports
Yes, Fanatical users tagged Behold the Kickmen as Football
Yes, Fanatical users tagged Behold the Kickmen as Casual

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